From the Pages: Rebuilding From the Inside Out

Apr 28

The Quiet Shift

There wasn’t a dramatic turning point. No grand transformation.
Just a slow, stubborn shift—the kind you almost miss as it’s happening.
A moment where survival begins to soften into something else.
Not quite stability.
Not yet peace.
But the beginning of a rhythm.

Laying Down New Ground

It started with a book.
At the recovery house, I picked up The Success Principles by Jack Canfield.
I only made it through Principle 8 out of 64, but even those first few shifted the way I saw myself—and my future.

“I’m reading Jack Canfield’s 'The Success Principles' right now. It’s funny—chapter 1 was about taking 100% responsibility for your life. He talks about the formula E + R = O (Event + Response = Outcome)... It correlates with our group the other day where we talked about trauma responses.”

It wasn’t just inspiration—it was activation.
I didn't just read; I did the work.
One of the most powerful exercises was creating my Purpose Statement:

"My purpose is to use my passion and creativity to inspire others to heal, grow, and support themselves and one another in a harmonious and loving way."

Then came the "Vision" exercise, where I envisioned clearly what my ideal future would look like:

My Vision of my ideal life:
Work & Career: Flexibility. Successful entrepreneur. Creative flexibility.
Finances: Multiple income streams; mostly passive income, $1M+ in retirement, $1M+ to leave my children. Able to financially take care of myself & others. Continually growing bank account.
Free Time/Recreation: Travel the world. Adventurist. Lots of time in nature. Take classes & learn new skills regularly.
Health & Fitness: Fit & fabulous! Clean eater. Get active regularly doing things I enjoy (hiking, swimming, yoga, etc.). Longevity.
Relationships: Actively maintain relationships that bring me happiness, peace, fulfillment, & love. Surrounded by healthy, happy, driven friends & family. Living happily & harmoniously with my forever person. Children know me as an admirable, loving, & supportive mother.
Personal Goals: Wise. Jack of all trades. Tapped all the way in intuitively. Humble & happy. Regularly take the time to fill my own cup. Speak up for myself. Never stop learning new things.
Contribution to Larger Community: Help women around the world stand strong, feel encouraged, empower themselves and others, heal & be well.

To reconnect with hope, I made two lists: my "I Want" list and my "I Love" list.
Each one wasn't just a quick note—they filled pages with dreams and everyday joys.

From my "I Want" list:

Travel the world.
Write a book.
Successfully live off-grid.
Create something that provides generational wealth.

From my "I Love" list:

Hiking
Gardening
Helping others
Being a mom
Writing
Learning new things

Finally, I designed my Stability Plan:
a daily structure focused on mindfulness, nutrition, journaling, supplements, and intentional self-care.

Alongside creating my Stability Plan, I made another decision — one that would change everything even more deeply:

I chose to go fully sober for at least one year.
No alcohol. No weed. No numbing out.

It wasn’t because I had a major addiction.
It was because I needed every ounce of clarity I could find to rebuild from real ground.

I didn’t want just a different life.
I wanted a different way of living inside myself.

As of writing this, I’m 110 days sober.
And it’s one of the parts of this rebuild I’m proudest of.

Not just surviving.
Choosing a different kind of strength.

I wasn't just rebuilding routines or cleaning up my space.
I was laying down something I had never been able to fully hold before: consistency.

It wasn't just about chores or calendars.
It was about finally giving myself—and my daughters—something solid to land on.

For so long, life had been chaos on top of chaos.
The rollercoaster of my mental health.
The madness of single motherhood.
Working 60-hour weeks in mortgage lending just to keep a roof over our heads.
Relying on whoever could step in that day to pick the kids up, help with homework, put dinner on the table.
Inconsistency became normal. And it broke my heart daily.

I didn’t just want routine. I needed it.

When I sat down to create my Stability Plan, it wasn’t about color-coded schedules or getting my life 'together.'
It was survival.
It was hope.
It was a promise I was trying to make—not just to myself, but to my girls.

Choosing to build my notary business later wasn’t random either.
I knew I needed flexibility.
I knew I needed a life that could finally hold both consistency and freedom — for them and for me.

For the first time, I wasn’t just surviving the madness.
I was creating something steady enough for all of us to stand on.

During my time there, journaling became a lifeline—anchored in gratitude.
Even on the hard days, I kept reaching for it.

TODAY I AM GRATEFUL FOR:
1) My able body
2) My emotional intelligence
3) My growing intuition
4) My big beautiful support system
5) The time I had to recover from burnout

Some days, writing those lists felt like a lie.
But I did it anyway — because they told us gratitude could actually rewire the brain— and my mind back then felt like it was running on fumes, barely holding on.
I needed something—anything—to help me find my way back.

The First Day Out

“Today’s the day! The day I start my new chapter.”

I woke up at the recovery house for the last time.
By 11:00 AM, I was walking out the door—not into silence or stillness, but straight back into real life.

I carried my suitcase out like it was full of someone else's mistakes.
And I wasn't planning to drag them back into my future.

I went home, unpacked my things, picked up my kids, and dove right into the rhythm of responsibility.
There wasn’t time to pause or breathe it all in. Life was already in motion, and I had no choice but to jump in and move with it.

"Today was hectic. I feel like I’ve had whiplash.”
“Nighttime update: WOO-SAHHH.... holy moly.”

By the next morning, exhaustion gave way to something softer.
I woke up calmer, breathing a little easier.

"Waking up this morning in a better mood. I didn’t sleep long, but I slept well. It felt so good to sleep in my own bed.”

The structure I had built at the recovery house—my Stability Plan and the habit of daily gratitude—came with me.
They were the thread connecting where I had been to where I was determined to go.

Building a Life at Home

Back at home, I realized structure would be crucial.

I started with what I could control: my environment.
I cleared out my home office, removing months of clutter.
Making space physically opened up something inside me—it signaled readiness for focus, growth, and new beginnings.

We created a family chore chart, simple but consistent.
Every bed made. Every room tidied. Trash days mapped out.
It wasn’t about perfection—it was about restoring rhythm and reliability.

In the backyard, I planted seeds—both in the ground and in my spirit.
Each day, as I nurtured the soil, I was reaffirming something inside me: new life is growing.

I launched my mobile notary business.
Not because I needed a career.
But because I needed a life flexible enough to finally live — not just survive.

I applied for Loan Signing Agent training.
I started attending Celebrate Recovery (a Christian church-based recovery group).
I committed to laying new foundations, step by step.

My journaling deepened too.
After leaving the recovery house, I expanded my entries to include daily affirmations and clear, actionable goals.

TODAY'S AFFIRMATIONS:
I am powerful. I am capable. I am worthy.
TODAY I AM GRATEFUL FOR:
1) A clear mind.
2) My kids committing to the chore chart.
3) The ability to learn and grow.
4) The opportunity to experience another day.
5) How much I’ve accomplished in just 2 weeks since leaving the recovery house.
GOALS FOR TODAY:
1) Clean & declutter bedroom
2) Spend time outside
3) Quality time with the girls
4) Rest & Recovery

Each word was a small thread stitching me closer to the life I was choosing to build.

Setting Clear Future Intentions

After the whirlwind of my first days home, I found myself craving something more than just survival.
I needed a map—a way to take everything I had begun building internally and aim it toward something tangible.

Without wasting time, I sat down and created my 101 Goals list.
It wasn’t just a wish list. It wasn’t fantasy.
It was a declaration: I am moving forward. I am choosing to build.

From that list:

Publish a book that changes people's lives.
Get back into yoga consistently.
Launch my mobile notary business.
Walk a true long-distance trail.
Create something I can pass down to my kids.

Every goal I wrote was a way of whispering to myself:
Stay. Build. Believe.

I wasn't just cleaning up the wreckage of my old life.
I was designing a new one from the ground up—one act of intention, one brave choice, one faithful day at a time.

Reflection and Closing

There was no single moment when everything changed.
There was no finish line, no fireworks, no final stamp of "healed."

There was only this: a steady decision, made over and over again, to keep rebuilding.
To keep choosing structure over chaos.
Hope over fear.
Creation over survival.

Looking back, I can see that the slow, stubborn shift I barely noticed at first had become something undeniable.
I wasn’t just reacting to life anymore—I was actively shaping it.
And though the road ahead was still uncertain, for the first time in a long time, I trusted myself to walk it.

Brick by brick.
Breath by breath.
Dream by dream.

The rebuild had truly begun.

Tools to Begin Your Own Rebuild

If you’re somewhere between the breakdown and the rebuild right now, I want to gently challenge you: pick up The Success Principles by Jack Canfield.

Start with Principle 1: Take 100% Responsibility for Your Life. It's where my rebuild began.

You don’t have to buy the book to start—you can dive into free resources right now: